I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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