I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
