The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Randomize
