It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
operation have a gay friend backfired
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
