A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
