New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
