how can u be prego again
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
