the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
