Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
