If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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