We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
