My first STD was from a foam party
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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