Don't make out with my wife yet
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
