btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
