I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
