dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
