I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have fence marks all over my body
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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