Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
