and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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