just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
