i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
