i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
