Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
