so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
