If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
