I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
