I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
