Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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