So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
