so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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