Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
