i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize