Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
