he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
