i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
