there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
