THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
