I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
