I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
