Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
