...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
