It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
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