I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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