He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
