now i know why i became what i already was.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
