i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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