Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
