so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
