Just fell off a train. Bad.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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