Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize