I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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