guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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