Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
