dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Less talking, more tequila
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize