Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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