he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
