my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
