I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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