Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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