Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
