Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
