I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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