I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
