apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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