Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
