i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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