I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
