so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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