what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
