I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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