PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
