her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
