Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
