I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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