I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
