god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
