My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
