Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
