Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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