true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
