If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
