Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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