well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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