There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
