That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
