Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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