i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
ok first of all what the fuck
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
