They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize