I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
