He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
