as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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