I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
