Heybabeimwearingurpanties
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
