pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
