I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
