Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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