Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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