Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
