1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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