In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize