Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize