I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
